Over the last umpteen seasons watching American Idol, I've developed a litmus test of sorts. I sit back and watch a performance and try to imagine the singer as an established recording artist performing on an awards show, or say, The Today Show. Would they stick out as egregiously out of place?
Some contestants over the years have passed with flying colors. Fantasia singing "Summertime"? Check. Just about anything Carrie Underwood did? Check.
Last night was one of those nights where almost nobody passed my test. It all felt, to me, like some awful American Idol prom, where the theme was "rock and roll" and all the kids were doing their best to dress up. Even Kara, in her heinous black leather studded getup and tough girl hairdo, seemed like the favorite English teacher, trying to be a cool chaperone.
I know everyone in the universe loves Adam Lambert. I get that. But I can't explain why he just doesn't move me. I hate Led Zeppelin, so probably nothing he could have done would have won me over, but Kara calling him a "rock God"? Really? Am I just completely out of touch? Where is the market for a totally gay, eyeliner-wearing hard rock star? Do 12 year old girls love him? Enlighten me.
My favorite of the night was, well, Kris. I'm starting to see Kris through a pink puffy lens, with Partridge Family songs playing in the background every time he appears. I just love him, and thought he did much better than the judges gave him credit for. I even liked him and Danny doing Styx, an admission that will totally eradicate any hopes I ever have of being considered cool.
Allison was clearly in her element, delivering another solid performance. And her lipstick was positively mesmerizing.
As for Danny, I'm still trying to recover from the trauma induced by his shriek-arific Dream On.
Now, as for who's going home, I have a weird feeling something unexpected might be happening tonight. Did Simon's calling Danny safe mean his fans didn't call, and could it possibly be Danny? (And was that purposeful on Simon's part?) I don't know. I'm going to stay in my safe zone. I'm sure it's either Allison or Kris, and am tempted to flip a coin. I could just predict Allison's departure and be wrong for the third time. (Or is it fourth now?) Anyway, I'm going to be safe and, with a heavy heart, say farewell to Kris. It was good while it lasted, little buddy.